Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Vent, extra long

I am so gosh darn sick of people telling me that Isabela being home with me all day is NOT healthy.


Really? Really?


Especially people in my own family. Not that they are people who I admire as parents, but thats a whole other story.


Just in case anyone has forgotten, Isabela turns 2 in April. Thats right folks! Two.And her whole life, she has been with her stay at home mommy. Its what she knows.Its how she thrives. It is the BEST thing for HER.


Now, some of these people are well meaning, probably.

What they mean to say is:


"You should start having play dates with other kids for her, " or

" She's at the age where socialization with other kids is a lot of fun for her" or

"Its healthy for kids to learn how to socialize with each other."


All those statements above, agree with. Here is what I disagree with:


" You always look so tired. Staying home with your child isn't good for you."

" You should start her in daycare. She needs to learn how to be away from you, and you need to start doing more things for yourself."

"You should go back to work full time. Your daughter is too clingy, too shy, and staying at home with only you and her is hindering her from developing an outgoing personality."

"Your daughter is so shy. It must be because you stay at home with her. You should take her to daycare so that she will learn how to be more independent and grow out of her shyness."


Sounds a little crazy, eh?


Well these are ALL things that were said to me by family members and by a member of our church. (who barely even knows us or my daughter!)

I am always very polite in my responses to people I don't know well. In my family's case, I am not as polite, but I'm also still respectful.


BUT,


this is my blog and I reserve the right to vent on it, if need be.


First of all,


I am tired. Tired in the morning when I wake up. Tired at night when I go to sleep. Tired at naptime, as I'm cleaning, attempting to exercise, and trying to start dinner.


I'm TIRED. I know this, maaaaan!


But, do you know what that means? It means I'm a stinkin good parent! All good parents are physically tired. Know why? Because, it is exhausting giving 100 percent of yourself to your child.


Your lovely child, who could care less if your sick, if your back hurts, or if your tired from staying up with them all night.


Its tiring being a good parent!


So, maybe I happen to look tired everytime I see you. Or maybe...I'm just getting old. But, I do know this. My tiredness is nothing compared to the fullfillment I have knowing that I give everything for the good of my family.


And, to say that its not good for me to be a stay at home mom? Well, maybe it wasn't good for you to be a stay at home mom. No judgement there. We all do what we need to do to be the best parents we can be.


But, its pretty damn good for me. I LOVE it!


And even though being a stay at home mom is NOT glorious, adrenaline rushing, or sexy ( well, depends on the day, eh?)....


And, even though its one of the MOST selfless,sacrificial things you choose to do...( oh please don't get me started on people who say that sahm's don't have any drive, urghhh),


And, even though, its intensely lonely at times....I love it.


Not only that, its the best thing for my family, right now.


And, as a stay at home mom, I'd have to be pretty rich, or pretty overwhelmed to send my not yet 2 yr old to daycare. First of all, I can't afford it. Part time daycare can be as much as 800 a month. In home babysitting is already around 10 dollars an hour! And in home, full time childcare, can start off at around 150 a week.


Seriously, one of the reasons why I can stay at home, is because we can afford it , IF we stick to a very strict budget. Secondly, children THRIVE in their parent's care. Yes, once a child is ready, play dates are great! We love love love playdates! But please don't give me the bs that my little girl will thrive in a daycare setting, better than she would at home with me. Thats so stupid, it makes me laugh!


Lastly, my daugher is shy! Why is anyone surprised! I was a shy kid, her dad was a shy kid...I can still be shy sometimes. If I sent her to daycare, she'd adapt, and eventually be fine. But she'd still be shy or have shy tendencies. Its okay, because its who she is.


Its my job, as her parent, to nurture her, and give her the confidence to grow out of her shyness one day ( as much as she can). I refuse to let someone else spend 8 hours a day with my children, if I have the ability to do it myself.


And, I'm not knocking down people who use daycares or nannies, or whatever. That works for you, and your family, and I know you made sure you picked out a damn good provider.


But for me, well, I want to be the one around my children for these first few years. With my husband in the military, well....things aren't always constant. We are moving now, and who knows how many more times we could move in the next 8 years. Hopefully one or two more times.


Also, we travel a lot to see our families. In the next 8 years, we may live in 3 different houses. My husband could go to Iraq....who knows where he could go?


So many changes... So little consistency in a military life.


And, so, I want to be the constant in my family.


Sure, its not glamourous. It's not notable, really. I won't win any awards or go on any cool work trips. I won't be recognized in front of my shop for anything great I did, or get a promotion , either. I will most likely feel under appreciated by my husband and kids.


But I will still be there.

The constant. The one who kisses scraped knees and cut fingers.

The one who stays up all night with a sick tot, who can't sleep without lots of lovin and snuggles.

The one who has to figure out how to take daddy's place ( oh how impossible!) when he goes on long trips or deploys again.

The one who gets to nurse tiny nurslings, forging a sweet trusting bond , from day one.

The one who sees every single milestone, as soon as it happens.

The one who cleans, and cleans, and cleans....and cooks everyones favorites meals.

The one who teaches silly songs, ABCs, numbers, colors, shapes.....

and so much more.


Yep, thats me. The constant.


When everything else is changing and out of control, mom is always going to be there.

This, my friends, is my job. Its part of an unwritten job description that is forever changing. The go getter girl that I am just figures that I can handle it.

So, whether YOU approve or not, trust me when I say....


I may be tired. But I'm lucky. I'm damn lucky.


I am doing exactly what I want to be doing.





Are you?

2 comments:

  1. Wow! That was a great blog!! It's crazy the things people will say! I wonder if that person knows how many people who have their children in childcare would die to be able to stay home with their children. Isabela is so very fortunate not only that she gets to stay home with you, but that you are such an amazing, open minded, smart, caring and loving mother. She is growing up surrounded by the confidence and unending surety of love and dedication for her.

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  2. Don't listen to those people. They don't have the slightest idea of what they're talking about. I'm hearing that the way God planned things for Isabela is somehow "unhealthy"? Those are not words of wisdom. You keep doing what God wants you to do. That IS "HEALTHY" and God is pleased with that. Isabela will fair well. Many addicts have a very unstable past as children through abuse and neglect. So keep doing what you're doing. It's ALL GOOD.

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